Why is rage all the rage?

Have you noticed how rage rooms are popping up in cities everywhere? Perhaps you have one in your house called the bathroom where you turn on the shower and scream? It’s better than going postal at work, getting into a brawl at Walmart, or hitting our kids (which until the middle of the last century was perfectly acceptable.) On the surface, this may seem like progress and even emotionally healthy. But when we look deeper, it’s debatable. So, why is rage all the rage?

Our protective instinct

In the rage room, customers don protective gear, shed socially acceptable personas, and take a sledgehammer to old TVs, dishes, furniture, and more. We get to ‘cosplay’ being a celebrity who destroys a hotel room and walks away with no consequences.

And yet, there are consequences. Our emotions serve an important purpose. Anger, for example, alerts us to threats, wrongdoings, or inequities. Unfortunately, when we ignore, bury, or deny the alarm, we cause other problems.

“The more we resist an emotion, the more our nervous system treats it as a threat,” says Karena Neukirchner, a somatic healing coach and host of the podcast, Somatic Healing Meditations. “When the body enters a stress response, it doesn’t just stay neutral, It amplifies the very thing you’re trying to avoid.”

So our body feels the stress of not only what angers us, but also our resistance to it. A non-stop cycle of triggers, fears, and anxiety.

This is all happening in our sympathetic nervous system, which governs our fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses. As a survival strategy, this instinct protected us in moments of clear and present danger.

But when the “danger is inside the house” so to speak, how do we convince our nervous system otherwise?

Can’t stop the feelings

In the early days of our species, we either hunted or gathered around a fairly small patch of earth. For the most part, we knew what to watch out for and how to fight or flee from attack.

Today, we’re constantly bombarded with unexpected demands, drama, and disasters at work and home — many of which we have no idea how to handle. Not to mention the 24/7 news cycle filled with wars, injustices, and suffering all over the world.

We didn’t start the fire, as the Billy Joel song goes. But that doesn’t stop us from feeling the burn from this inferno of emotionally triggering events.

In one day, we might bounce from fear and anger to hopelessness and depression. If we’re lucky, moments of love, laughter, and joy, too. But even that is often marred by foreboding joy, a term coined by Brene Brown. It’s the experience of feeling joy while also fearing when the other shoe will drop.

Why is rage all the rage? Because our brain’s circuitry is fried. The good news is we have ‘modern’ ways to reboot ourselves.

Frozen in time

While raging is an outward expression of emotional overwhelm, some of us experience an inward implosion known as Functional Freeze.

We’ve all see how a device suddenly checks out when too many applications are running and there’s not enough bandwidth The screen locks up or freezes and may completely shut down. This can happen to us, too.

“People who experience functional freeze can be outwardly successful in their careers and daily lives… But after fulfilling their responsibilities, they might choose to stay in bed and doom scroll for the rest of the evening.”

In other words, we’ve exceeded our bandwidth.

Some telltale signs are struggling to make simple decisions or plans to move forward in life and feeling hopeless. Other signs include the inability to cry or sleep and binging TV or social media and substances like food or alcohol.

Aging not so gracefully

Living in these chronic fear states, whether raging or freezing, causes wear and tear on our sensitive, flesh-and-blood beings. In fact, it can shorten our life span.

“One significant factor that negatively impacts our biological clock is chronic stress, which accelerates the shortening of telomeres: the protective caps at the ends of chromosomes. While telomeres naturally shorten over time, stress speeds up this process, leading to premature aging. This not only increases the likelihood of fine lines and wrinkles but also heightens the risk of age-related diseases such as diabetes, certain cancers and cardiovascular disease.”

Botox and anti-aging creams are useless against this kind of damage. We need to relieve the pressure inside and rebalance our circuitry.

How? By intentionally engaging our parasympathetic nervous system.

This is our ‘rest and digest’ side and it plays a critical role in cellular recovery, immune function, mental clarity, and deep sleep. But it can’t perform this magic when we’re in a constant state of ‘fight or flight.’

A fountain of youth

Maybe we can’t stop the fire, but we can douse it with mind/body practices that prevent it from raging out of control. Practices like meditation, restorative yoga, and/or reflective writing are like those fire-resistant blankets that offer comfort and protection.

A few minutes a day done with consistency makes a noticeable difference — and they’re way cheaper than serums and fillers!

Of course, sometimes situations flare up and we need an oxygen mask stat. The following practices can offer an instant reset:

• Box breathing: Taking a slow, deep breath in then counting to four followed by a slow, full exhale out then counting to four again. Repeat a few cycles.
• Somatic touch: This technique involves softly rubbing the hands together or stroking the upper arms (from shoulders to elbow) or face with our fingertips. Research shows that this can stimulate delta waves in the brain, which are normally associated with deep, restorative sleep.
• Tapping:  Also known as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), this involves tapping with our fingertips on specific meridian points of the face and upper body, often while repeating an affirmation. Check out Brad Yates  who offers free videos on YouTube.

These are all easy enough for a child to learn. And we can pretty much practice anywhere — in the car, at work, among a crowd, and even in bed when we’re ‘tired and wired’ and can’t fall asleep. Try these before popping a sleeping pill!

Why is rage all the rage?

In the classic movie, Fried Green Tomatoes, Kathy Bates portrays a stereotypical, middle-aged housewife raised to be sweet, subservient, and self-deprecating. But as she begins to experience some hard realizations about her marriage and her life, the fire begins to rage inside. In her own version of a rage room, she takes a sledgehammer to her living room wall and crashes her car repeatedly into another car. 

Of course, it’s fun to fantasize being in her shoes. But we all know it’s not the smartest way to deal with our emotions.

Why is rage all the rage? Because we’re sentient beings designed to FEEL something in response to stimuli. We’re not supposed to ignore, bury, or deny it, but we’re also not built to withstand constant, non-stop stress. Even machines need regular maintenance.

Enter the Somatic Salon

What if instead of a rage room to hide and scream, we create a cozy and inviting ‘Somatic Salon’ where we gently release a little steam every day?

In the salon, we can “spill the tea” into our journal, focus on a breathing practice, do some yoga stretches, and/or listen to a guided meditation. If we can’t find a private corner at home, consider the car or a quiet park — both have worked for me in the past.

it takes time and intention to re-balance a chronically stressed nervous system. But it’s up to us to make the choice to cultivate a state of peace inside ourselves. And when we do, we vibrate that energy out to the world — and the world sorely needs it.

Want more good vibrations? Check out my Manifest with Margrita website. 

 

To help identify and process toxic emotions, explore these writing prompts in your journal:

• What uncomfortable emotions do I resist feeling?
• Do I relate to freezing or raging–or cycling between those states? When does it happen/what triggers me?
• What thoughts/words come up? Do I criticize or shame myself?
• Do these words remind me of someone from the past? Who and what happened?
• Reflecting on all of this, what might I say to the younger version of myself to help me feel loved and worthy?
• Write some affirmations or ‘I am’ statements, such as I am safe and calm and loved. I am honoring my emotions in healthy ways. I am releasing stuck emotions so I can feel lighter. Repeat these while tapping, deep breathing, or calming with somatic touch.