Meet the frenemies within

The brain is both our best friend and our worst enemy: Meet the frenemies within. The creative and expansive ones dream big while the fearful and structured ones tell us there’s no time for that. It’s like stepping on the gas and the brakes at the same time. We go nowhere fast—and often give up (brakes) or push harder (gas), making matters worse. To manifest a different reality, we need all four cylinders working together.

Harness the power

Some of us see ourselves as right-brained (creative) or left-brained (organized) people. This black and white thinking keeps us stuck in patterns that don’t serve us. Plus, we essentially dismiss half of our spectacular brain power!

Then we wonder why we feel blocked by thoughts like “I don’t know what I want” or “I don’t know how” or “I’ll never be able to do that!”

To break free of these blocks, we need to meet the frenemies within.

In other words, acknowledge the gifts of both sides in establishing and driving the direction of our lives. Treat them as two trusted friends and confidantes rather than judging one side as an unsavory enemy.

No one has more first-hand insight on this than Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD.  Not only is she a neuroanatomist, she’s also the survivor of a stroke that shut down the left side of her brain. Incredibly, she fully recovered and wrote two brilliant books about the inner workings of the brain.

A new view of the brain

In Whole Brain Living, Dr. Taylor expands our traditional view of left/right thinking by introducing four brain characters with distinct ‘personalities’ and responsibilities. The goal is to maximize the full array of our brain’s gifts to create the life we desire.

To help us build a stronger connection with and understanding of each, she encourages us to name them.

Here’s a quick synopsis of the four brain characters and the names I chose:

• Left side character 1: Governs structured planning and thinking. (Sarge)
• Left side character 2: Protection and survival. (Nervous Nellie)
• Right side character 3: Connection to the present moment. (Pooh)
• Right side character 4: Governs expansive, visionary thinking. (Grace)

Sure, it’s a clever idea, but what’s the point? (Typical Sarge!)

Liar, liar

The point is that when we feel stuck, we’re likely out of balance. Meaning that certain characters may need to be reined in while others need us to stop and listen.

For example, our left-brain characters often lie. Not in a malicious way. They’re trying to protect us and scare tactics are highly effective. (I’m talking to you, Nellie.)

This is when our brain characters behave more like frenemies.

They may appear concerned and helpful, but they don’t have our higher ideals in mind. When our left-side characters worry, obsess, nitpick, ruminate, and judge everything (including ourselves), we push our right-side characters away.

Dr. Taylor reminds us that there are “…billions of things in our right brain world that defy our left brain’s definition of truth… It is so important to realize that simply because our left brain has an opinion about something, that does not make it true.”

But those left-side characters are quite convincing.

No rest for the wicked

This is especially true when we lead a typical high-stress, always-on-the-go lifestyle.

Sarge and Nellie don’t care if Pooh wants to stop and smell the roses or Grace just had the most incredible insight. They’ve got fires to put out!

It’s also true for children who grew up in unsafe, unstable environments or with unpredictable caregivers. As a survival strategy, the brain becomes hypersensitive to potential problems, conflict, and FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real).

Without awareness and intention to rebalance, it actually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy — attracting similar situations in adulthood.

This isn’t to say that our left brain is any less important than the right.

As Dr. Taylor writes, “Each of these characters represents an authentic part of who we are at a cellular level and should be treated with dignity, respect and honor.”

Doing so not only brings our brain into balance, but our whole lives, too.

Slap that guy

One of my favorite quotes is from the writer, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” 

Inspiring, right?

Yea, not so much if we’re stressed out and exhausted right now. We might want to take the bold step of slapping him instead — or anyone within range!

Because in this condition, we can barely think let alone dream. Forget about taking even the smallest step towards that dream.

If that’s the case, I have a proposition for you:

What if there was a step that took absolutely ZERO effort? No plans, no resources, no tools, no talking, no figuring anything out.

Nothing.

(I like the sound of that, says Pooh.)

Favorite four-letter word

That step is to REST, which feels like a four-letter word in a society that runs on praise-and-performance junkies.

Yes, junkies. Because despite claiming we’d love to rest, busyness can be as addictive as sugar, booze, tobacco, gambling, or doom-scrolling.

Every time we tick a task off our list or receive a pat on the back (no matter how small), we get a surge of dopamine, our brain’s happy hormone.

That little high stimulates our left brain to do even more, just like a sugary snack makes us want to eat more.

Meanwhile, our right brain struggles to get a word in edgewise. Ever try to resist a craving after a super stressful day? All our big goals go out the window.

That’s how the frenemy zone keeps us going nowhere fast.

Sack the frenemy zone

Yet, when we spend time hanging out with Pooh and connecting with the peace of just being, we open ourselves to hearing the quiet yet powerful voice of Grace. She’s not only the queen of our expansive, visionary thinking, she’s also our connection to the creative energy of the universe.

That’s why rest is critical for manifesting authentic desires, not to mention solving inexplicable mysteries.

Some of the greatest minds in history knew this: Einstein, Aristotle, Thomas Edison, Leonardo da Vinci, Lao Tzu.

But it also goes against the status quo, as the voices of these strong, modern females suggest:

Sociologist and author Brene Brown writes “It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.” While poet, artist, and activist Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry, inspires communities to empower themselves through rest.

Many benefit from our willingness to push aside our need for rest. But we certainly don’t!

The soft animal inside

Many years ago, we fostered a mama cat who gave birth to five adorable kittens. As they grew, I remember noticing how they cycled through sleep/eat/play like clockwork. But of course, they had no concept of time. They simply tuned into their internal clocks.

We forget that we’re animals, too. And our furry friends can teach us a lot about ourselves.

When we regularly ignore our own cycles, especially periodic rest breaks, we also end up “tired and wired.” That’s when we feel totally exhausted, but when our head hits the pillow, our mind is stuck on the gas.

Meanwhile, I’ve never seen a cat struggle to fall asleep.

So, how do we begin to reconnect with our cycles? “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves,” as the poem, Wild Geese, by Mary Oliver says.

Maybe we can’t take a nap every few hours, but we can ‘snack’ on rest throughout the day.

In other words, ‘microdose’ downtime.

Microdosing downtime

Here’s what that could look like: Before getting out of bed, take a few minutes to focus on the breath or gratitude. Mid-morning, take a break to meditate. At lunch, relax into a restorative yoga pose. Before dinner, close the eyes and listen to music. In the evening, pick up a journal and write or sketch.

Or, go outside for a dose of ‘soft fascination.’

This is what some of us did as kids when mom kicked us out of the house so she could get things done. We’d lay in the grass and look for shapes in the clouds. Climb trees and just hang out. Skim stones or dip our toes into the creek. Make angels in the snow.

“In nature, our minds are allowed to drift, gaze, wander, and be immersed in the moment. We aren’t focused on one specific thing; rather, we experience the world using multiple senses—sights, sounds, smells, sensations—instead of working so hard to filter things out in the name of productivity.”

Of course, I’m referring to the pre-cell phone era. Although soft fascination is more critical than ever these days.

Meet the frenemies within

Make it a goal for today, and every day this week, to create the space to meet the frenemies within. Pay attention to the signs that it’s time for a microdose of rest and honor that need. The signs can be subtle at first, especially if we’ve ignored our needs for so long.

For me, the symptoms are similar to ‘hangry.’ (Sarge gets a little snippy.)

With practice, we begin to understand the power of doing less to accomplish more.

And news flash: This ‘more‘ comes from our authentic, expansive, right-side brain rather than our fearful, task-oriented, left-side brain.

Stop going nowhere fast: Take a breather and start manifesting a more fulfilling, joyful, and meaningful experience of life.

More Good Vibrations tools & resources:

• Interested in more ways to nurture calm? Check out my blog, Time to be a Sloth.
• Feeling anxious or guilty about taking time to rest? Dissolve that block with my reflective journaling prompts below.
• Interested in coaching or reading past blogs? Check out my website, Manifest with Margrita. 

Reflective journaling prompts:

• Do I find it hard to unplug from activity and to-do lists? What gets in the way?
• Do I boast about productivity and downplay or hide my need for rest? Reflect on with whom and why?
• Does it feel selfish or wasteful to rest? What other feelings or beliefs come up?
• How did my family view work and play? What ideas did I pick up that stick with me?
• When I detach from activity, what comes up? Worries, fears, anxieties, or thoughts about the past or future?
• How might I rebalance my thinking by introducing rest as a daily practice?