Gap year for your soul

You’ve likely heard of the gap year — the break students take after high school or college to explore the world before moving on to the next stage of life. Show of hands: How many of you would board that bus right now if you could? While getting away from it all and seeing the world sounds amazing, it may not be within reach at the moment. But that’s not the only way to hit the reset button on your life. Taking a gap year for your soul happens anywhere, anytime — which makes it a perfect project for quarantine and beyond.

What if?

According to a recent job satisfaction survey, only 20 percent of people feel passionate about their work and 33 percent believe they’ve reached a dead end in their careers. If you’re one of these folks, I hope you keep on reading.

What’s a gap year for your soul? It’s setting aside time for yourself to slow down and reassess what’s important to you — your relationships, your career, wherever you invest your precious time and energy. After being out in the world for a few years, you may be wondering what if? 

What if I’d studied art instead of accounting? What if I’d spent that year in Italy? What if I’d risked that business venture? What if I’d had the courage to say hello to that crush who made me blush?

We can ask ourselves these types of questions forever and continue living in the past. Or, we can revive the sleeping passions that still live and breathe inside of us. This doesn’t mean leaving a job or relationship, but it might.

Claim the front burner

And that’s often where resistance rears its anxious head. Because we fear the what ifs that may follow: What if I’m called to make dramatic changes? What if I fail at the one dream that meant so much to me? What if my friends and family don’t approve?

Our conditioning may also create resistance. If we’re accustomed to putting ourselves on the back burner, it can feel selfish to invest time, energy, or enthusiasm into our own needs and desires. Meanwhile, we give all of this and more to help make things happen for other people—our kids, our teams, our clients, our communities.

Imagine transferring just a fraction of that time, energy and enthusiasm into our personal passions. (P.S. It’s not selfish, it’s self esteem. And it makes us good role models for others, including our kids.)

Getting to the root cause

This is not a call for abandoning our responsibilities. It’s about balancing our priorities to make room for ourselves and reconnect with what makes our spirits sing. Often, when we’re not exactly feeling groovy about our lives, we jump to external fixes that don’t last. (That’s why the divorce rate on second marriages is higher than the rate on first unions — or why 90 percent of people gain back all the weight they lost and more!)

Before we can solve a problem, we need to get to the root cause.

Pop quiz: What truly makes you happy? (Beyond the obvious things like your family or ‘guilty’ pleasures, like ice cream or chardonnay.) Feel like a deer in the headlights? In my experience, 99.9 percent of people respond with I don’t know.

And that’s the root cause for so many of us. If we don’t know what we want, how can we get even a smidgeon of it? In fact, how can we devise a plan to get it? How can we find help in obtaining it? How can we gather the resources we need? And how can we know if we’re even on the right path?

We can’t. So, instead of continuing to simmer on the back burner, why not entertain the idea of a gap year for your soul?

Time for a road trip

One of the beautiful aspects of a gap year for your soul is you don’t even need to tell anyone you’re going anywhere. And there’s no rush to meet a deadline. (Insert sigh of relief.) A year is just a random timetable. It’s about the journey, not the destination — although you may discover a new happy place along the way. It’s like that spontaneous road trip you took at 18, or wish you had. There’s no itinerary; just time to relax, be curious, and explore.

There IS one necessary requirement: You must take the driver’s seat and set aside time alone for you to focus on you.

I know that’s a tall order for some people. You may need to get creative and squeeze time in between other responsibilities, including family and a day job if you have one. But if you really want to create meaningful connection to joy and passion in your life, you’ll make the time.

Put your naysayer aside

What exactly do we do with all this unscheduled and unhurried time alone? We explore our innermost desires. That may sound hokey, but cynicism is just another form of resistance. If you’re willing to set aside your internal naysayer for a little while, I believe you’ll stumble upon some fascinating discoveries.

To get started on this journey, you don’t need much beyond a journal or memo pad and pen. (Don’t use a digital device.) You might also consider picking up a book like  Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck, one of the pioneers of life coaching. I highly recommend any of her books, especially if you’re considering any type of big life change. I also love The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. There are plenty of books, online workshops and videos that also offer guidance.

My personal practice is to set aside at least 20 minutes in the morning to read some inspirational material. Then I reflect on it in my journal. Most of these books offer simple writing exercises that deliver powerful insights. I sometimes write about a dream or experience of serendipity, which I believe are both spiritual connections. For additional inspiration, check out my blog, Creating a purposeful post-pandemic plan.

If all you have is 10 minutes a day, that’s enough. Your brain continues to percolate on anything you put in writing.

Bright signs of life

Important! This writing is for your eyes only, so keep it to yourself. Otherwise you may not feel free to flow with complete honesty — and that’s the only way to nudge open a door you may have slammed shut a long time ago. (If you have to, burn the pages or hide them in a shoe box like I did.)

Certain activities can also grease the hinges on that door by stimulating the right side of the brain. Things like taking a walk in nature. Not to get your steps in, but to notice the sights and sounds that inspire you. Also, anything that invites that dreamy, flow state…like meditating, listening to music, and exploring creativity.

As you dig into these practices, ideas will begin to pop up from nowhere like bright crocuses peeking up from the frozen earth. Write about these ideas, too. You may find a surprising new direction for your life or a long-lost treasure from the past that you’d all but buried for good.

That’s how I reconnected to my path as a writer.

A leap of faith

It began about a decade after college when a whole series of life changes hit me at once. I moved to a new city, bought a house, got married, became a stepmom, and welcomed a new baby. On top of all that change, our beautiful new baby needed emergency surgery.

Rocked by that roller coaster of changes, I shuddered at the the thought of returning to my demanding career in advertising. Plus, I was burnt out by the long hours and constant travel. So, in a leap of faith I decided to take an extended break from work.

That decision was a turning point in my life. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was setting out on my own gap year for the soul. The journey led me to a career change, returning to my passion for writing. It didn’t happen overnight, but I enjoyed the journey so much that I did it again — leading me to pursue another passion, life coaching.

Be like Ferris

As Ferris Bueller famously said, “Life moves fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Why not be like Ferris? Play ‘hooky’ from your life for just a few minutes each day to explore what makes you happy. Forget the what ifs and don’t worry about what comes next because no one knows and neither do you. And you’ll figure it out as you go. But if you don’t open that door, it will stay shut forever.

New workshop coming soon!

I’m a holistic life coach who specializes in expressive writing to nurture healing, insight, and creativity. I’m currently collaborating on a new workshop based on getting started on this journey. More details coming this spring. For more information about life coaching, visit my website at www.manifestwithmargrita.com.  If you have a question or topic you’d like me to write about here, or would like to join my Good Vibrations email community, email me at [email protected]. And follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn!