Flip the script on failure February

Year after year, the most popular New Year’s resolutions in the U.S. include exercise more, eat healthier, lose weight, and save more money. But for all the focus on resolutions, fewer than half of us bother to make a list—and 80 percent of those who do lose steam within 30 days. If we desire to experience a change and make it last, we need to begin writing a different story. Time to flip the script on failure February.

The power struggle

Self-improvement is a multi-billion-dollar business that feeds on our insecurities. If we don’t believe we need to do or be better, we won’t buy the products and services that promise to help us improve. It’s an easy strategy since our negative thoughts outnumber positive ones by a ratio of four to one. So, we’re prone to focus on what’s wrong vs. what’s right about us.

Many of us have people in our lives who capitalize on this, too. They seem to know exactly what triggers our fear, shame, and insecurities and use it to their advantage.

The truth is ‘they’ don’t have any real power unless we hand it over.

Who’s running this show?

On a TV series set, the showrunner possesses complete creative control and literally ‘runs the show.’ In the TV series known as our lives, we are both the star and the showrunner. Which means we can just as easily write characters and situations out of our show or relegate them as irrelevant to the story.

But often, we feel powerless to do so. Or, we’re unconsciously following a template based on other people’s ideas. It’s akin to those awful TV show reboots that just feel flat and unimaginative.

If we want a life story that reflects our truth, passion, and authenticity, we need a different approach.

When ants invade

Our thoughts and beliefs create the plot, script, and action we experience as life. Most of us don’t realize this, so our minds operate on automatic pilot, simply repeating the past and reacting the same way to everything and everyone.

Because of the negativity bias of our brains noted above, we’re prone to being infested with ANTs, or automatic negative thoughts. They can be as invasive as the insect by that name — and infiltrate the tiniest cracks in our most vulnerable places. Consider how:

• Negative comments and situations have more ‘stickiness’ to them. When asked, the average person can easily tick off a list of their faults—but usually stumble when asked to identify positive qualities.
• Research shows about 95 percent of our thoughts are repetitive — new thoughts barely have a chance!
• Where there’s one ANT, a whole bunch of pesky negative thoughts are bound to follow.

Unfortunately, our ANT-infested internal monologues likely began when we were knee-high to a grasshopper. With so  much repetition, they eventually became more like background noise we try to ignore. Until someone or something triggers an ANT storm.

A disappointing ending

When we begin to question our thoughts, we realize that our internal ‘ANT farms’ are fertile with clues that shed light on blocks to our success. It doesn’t matter whether we’re yearning to find true love or quit a habit. If our story always seems to end the same disappointing way, there are likely ANTs involved.

For example, imagine that we intend to quit smoking or eating sugar. The first few days are challenging, but then it gets a little easier and we’re feeling pretty proud of ourselves. Then pressure at work, a fight with a friend, a phone call with a parent or some other highly-charged situation triggers a barrage of caustic emotions…an ANT attack!

On the relationship front, we may experience the same disappointing situations over and over again. Whether with lovers, friends, family, or coworkers, there’s likely a common theme that involves ANTs.

Naturally, we tend to seek comfort when we feel emotionally charged. Next thing we know, all our efforts go up in smoke. Sometimes literally.

To add insult to injury, our thoughts often turn from comfort to criticism. The words that pop up are very telling: Weak. Stupid. No willpower. What’s wrong with me?

Be the showrunner

The only thing that’s wrong is that we may not be taking our showrunner responsibilities seriously. Or we’re simply not aware that we’re creating our experience. Plus, as Eckart Tolle teaches, “most of our unhappiness or suffering is not caused by a situation but by our thoughts about it.”

When our ANTs dominate our daily thoughts, we’re easily triggered or controlled by external forces. So, creating the experiences we desire is like climbing Mount Everest by taking one step forward, four steps back. No wonder it’s so exhausting.

Clouds in my coffee

Meanwhile, by simply observing our inner monologue, we build awareness of our ANTs. Then we can choose to take creative control and alter the script. In other words, start running the show!

Meditation makes this abundantly clear—sit still for five minutes and see what comes up. Yet people often get frustrated by this mental activity. They just want this incessant thinking to stop because it’s all so negative!

The real goal of meditation is to observe thoughts like clouds floating across the sky — or dissolving in our coffee. It’s about separating our inner spirit (the showrunner) from our minds (brain activity.)

Mind over matter

Another wise teacher, Deepak Chopra, reminds us: “I am in charge of my brain, not the other way around.” In other words, we are in charge of this incredible thinking machine!

High-performing athletes know the power of mind over matter. They realize that success comes from not only training the body, but also managing the mind.

By intentionally planting positive thoughts into our brains, we begin to alter that 4:1 negative to positive ratio. The more we do this, the less power we give to external people and circumstances.

Quiet on the set, please

But we need to calm the storms in our heads — easier said then done, right? We may often feel like we’re aboard that boat in the terrifying tunnel scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. We have no control, so all we can do is hang on for dear life and stuff ourselves with chocolate!

That’s why meditation is such a foundational piece of the puzzle. It helps us build the mental muscles to breathe through chaos, pause before reacting, and maintain focus on the vision for our life.

Harvest the full moon

Journaling is another way to clear out the ANT population and cultivate a calmer spirit. This weekend’s full moon is quite serendipitous — it’s a perfect time to take pen in hand.

The energy of the full moon can help us become aware of blocks that dim our light. According to this article in Yoga Journal, the February full moon is in Leo, which is associated with the inner child, among other things. Many other planetary energies are present during this weekend’s lunar event, including Chiron, which is the wounded healer of the zodiac and helps us understand our past wounds and how they affect us. Also, Mars is bringing the courage to be ourselves in all situations. (I’m not an expert in astrology, so I highly recommend the article for a deeper understanding.)

What I do know is that it appears to be a fertile time to dig into the old beliefs and ANTs that block us from realizing our dreams. By challenging the darkness of our ANTs and conditioned beliefs that block our progress, we shine the healing light of lunar energy upon ourselves.

In other words, flip the script on failure February and reclaim creative control of our lives.

The power of the page

I’m passionate about journaling because it’s been so crucial to my own path of freedom and healing. But a lot of people ask me, what exactly are we supposed to write? Staring at a blank page can be daunting, even for a writer.

Just relax, close the eyes, and meditate for a few minutes. I guarantee that non-stop internal monologue has much to squawk about.

Think of it as dictation. Write down what’s looping through your mind…what happened yesterday or last week or many moons ago or what has you worried or anxious. It’s like a conversation with a good friend, spirit guide…or life coach. (Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, or being petty.) If you’re nervous someone will read it, rip it up or burn it when finished.

Clearing emotional clutter

Writing stimulates parts of the brain that store memories of people and situations that match what we’re feeling. Capture those, too. This kind of writing clears out emotional clutter that weighs us down and reveals the ANTs that hide within the layers of our brain.

Obviously, this can trigger some heavy feelings. But keeping them inside us is not only blocking our progress, it could be damaging our health and wellness.

An ALTerior approach

To go a step further, we can reframe our internal monologue with what I’d like to call ALTs, or automatic loving thoughts. We simply flip those negative beliefs into positive affirmations as shared in my article, Your Brain on Hugs.

I like to end a journaling session with these to set the stage for a positive day or restful night’s sleep. I’ve also been experimenting with EFT (emotional freedom technique), also referred to as tapping. Research shows it’s a powerful tool for rewiring the brain, breaking through emotional blocks, and healing trauma. There are hundreds of free videos on YouTube. (I’m personally a fan of Brad Yates.)

Flip the script for good

We can use the brain’s ‘stickiness’ to our advantage by practicing daily. Then, the next time someone asks us for our positive qualities, they’ll roll off the tongue.

Better yet, our personal TV series becomes a delightful tale of unexpected moments, authentic joy, and emotionally fulfilling experiences. Be the showrunner in your life and flip the script on failure February — and all the months that follow.

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I’m a holistic life coach who specializes in expressive writing to nurture healing, insight, and creativity. For more information about life coaching, visit my website at www.manifestwithmargrita.com or email me at [email protected]. And share my Good Vibrations blog with others!