The puzzle of finding our purpose

There’s a very popular jigsaw puzzle on Amazon called Pure White Hell. The ‘picture’ is just a blank, white slate. To some, it’s an exciting challenge. To others it feels like a not-so-funny April Fool’s joke. Either way, it’s a good metaphor for what can sometimes be the ultimate puzzle in life: finding our purpose.

Happily ever after

For many of us, there’s a sense of safety in having a clear picture or goal for our future, even if it’s driven by someone else. Then all we need to do is fill in the pieces until we get there. For example, we set our sights on becoming a lawyer because our mother is a lawyer. So we go to school, pass the bar, and launch a career. Or we’re expected to get married and give our parents grandchildren. So we find a so-called soul mate, plan the wedding, and start having babies.

And we all live happily ever after, right?

Except, it often doesn’t turn out that way. Then we’re yearning for that blank slate so we can start over. But we can’t erase the past nor control the future.

So how do we solve this puzzle of finding our purpose? There’s a clue in the ageless appeal of games.

Staging a comeback

It’s no secret that video and online gaming is a multi-billion-dollar industry. Not to mention those golden oldies, board games — which are now enjoying the biggest comeback since the 1980s. Even Madonna hasn’t achieved that!

Game Nights are more popular than ever, too. Not because we’re itching to show off our Pictionary prowess, but rather for the experience itself: Connecting with others, laughing and having fun, and ironically, having no purpose except the joy of playing together. (We sorely missed this during quarantine.)

Of course, sometimes there’s a wet blanket in the group who’s obsessed with winning and suspects others of cheating. (Hint, it’s likely them.) But even if they win, they miss out on the real joys of Game Night.

This is what happens when we hitch our happiness to a future outcome — we miss out on the gifts of the experience itself.

Head towards the heat

Not that we shouldn’t dream big or set goals. But if the process of getting there comes with stress or anxiety, sleepless nights, exhaustion, chronic pain, illness, or other physical issues, we might want to pause and consider why.

Our body is like a compass that can help guide us towards our purpose. We know whether we’re on track by how we feel. It’s like that game hot and cold, where cold means we’re moving away from the target and vice versa.

Physical issues are the body’s warning signs that we’re out of alignment with our authentic path or purpose. In other words, we’re getting colder.

So, how do we switch directions? Light a fire!

Listening to the body

Emotions are the language of the body. Depression, grief, and other painful emotions are accompanied by physical pain. Studies have also shown that happiness can have a positive impact on chronic pain.

When I reflect on my 20s and 30s, I’m not surprised that I was always getting sick. I was steadily climbing the ladder in my career. But the higher I got, the more anxious, unhappy, and unfulfilled I felt. My work felt cold and empty.

At that time, I had no idea why.

Eye-opening insight

As I searched for answers, I found life coach extraordinaire, Martha Beck, who opened my eyes to what was happening. In her book, Finding Your Own North Star, she writes:

“Career miracles happen when you’re so in love with your life that pushing yourself is actually easier than stopping…when you ‘do without doing.’ Joyful activity adds real value to the world, and adding value is the heart and soul of a successful career.”

Although I was good at my job, I didn’t feel the way Martha described. Nope, somehow I’d wandered into the frozen zone.

Kindling for the fire

Inspired by Martha’s insights, I picked up my journal and started asking myself what was missing from this picture of my life.

Like Marie Kondo famously advises when clearing out a space, if it doesn’t spark joy, get rid of it. (Unless you really need it. My furnace may not spark joy, but I do need it to warm things up in a different way.)

So, what kindling could spark my internal fire again? What came to me was a source of joy for me since grade school, creative writing.

Desire & detachment

By then, I hadn’t published any creative work for over a decade, so those years felt more like a past life. I didn’t know if I could string together a compelling paragraph anymore, let alone carve out a new career path. But I sure desired to feel that spark of joy again.

One of the laws in Deepak Chopra’s book, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, filled in another missing puzzle piece: the law of detachment. Deepak writes:

“In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty and in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning.”

Putting both of these pieces of wisdom together, the strategy boiled down to: find a joyful activity, focus on the ‘doing’ each day, and detach from the outcome.

Simple, right?

Pure white hell

Simple, yes. Easy? Not quite. Letting go of the outcome is hard for those of us who grew up in chaos. We learned our job was to control every circumstance in order to prevent catastrophe. Or, to please and placate others. (The fawning response to fear.)

It also takes courage to choose the path less traveled — to stumble around in what some people may see as pure white hell. It’s all about perspective.

As Deepak shares, the need to focus on a future outcome is actually planted in our past conditioning. And it distracts us from our only true source of purpose and joy — the present moment.

Think about the wet blanket. What drives the obsessive need to win? The shame of losing — which stems from a fear of not being good enough or having enough or being humiliated or bullied or whatever else drives insecure behavior. People lie, cheat, or steal to avoid these feelings.

Our infinite creative potential

By focusing on joy and practicing detachment, we break free from that ‘prison of past conditioning.’

From a spiritual perspective, we align with the power of the entire universe—enabling access to more ideas, opportunities, and solutions than we could ever imagine. From a physical perspective, we energize that extraordinary creative engine within us — our brain. We’re no longer imprisoned by our own limited vision and the world truly becomes our oyster.

It can be challenging to shift perspective like this — especially when we’re worried about problems in our lives, not to mention the world. But change happens from the inside out.

One surprisingly effective way to do this is with a gratitude journal.

Growing gratitude

All we need is a notebook and a few minutes before bedtime to capture five or so expressions of gratitude from the day.

Of course, we’re naturally grateful for family and friends in our lives. But look a little deeper for what I like to think of as winks from Spirit: The crocuses popping up through the thawing ground. That unexpected compliment when we’re not feeling our best. The barista smiling and handing us our favorite coffee drink—and hey, they even spelled our name right!

When we make a game out of paying attention to these seemingly insignificant moments, we train our brains to start seeking them out. And the more we acknowledge the good stuff in our present experience, the better we feel, and the more it grows.

Think about how you feel when someone acknowledges or appreciates you. Don’t you feel compelled to do more? The universe responds to compliments, too.

Pure white heaven

By detaching from a pre-determined picture of our future, we embrace the excitement and challenge of the blank slate.

To figure out the puzzle of your purpose, spend some time digging into what’s missing now that you hope the future will bring. Then find a way to feel that way now. Joyful activities and practicing gratitude can provide pieces of the puzzle.

Plus, the better we feel, the higher our vibration—which draws to us opportunities that match our authentic desires.

As Deepak writes, “When I step into the field of all possibilities, I will experience all the fun, adventure, magic, and mystery of life.”

That’s how finding our purpose becomes pure white heaven. Turns out, we don’t need to worry about finding our purpose. It finds us.

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I’m a holistic life coach who specializes in expressive writing to nurture healing, insight, and creativity. For more information about life coaching, visit my website at www.manifestwithmargrita.com or email me at [email protected]. And share my Good Vibrations blog with others!