Turn emotional trash into treasure

Painful stories happen to all of us. A marriage or relationship goes sour. A job gets eliminated or our business tanks. A health issue rocks our world. These are bitter pills to swallow. Often, our reaction is to suppress and power on. But our bodies express these painful emotions as mental and physical dis-ease. True power arises when we turn emotional trash into treasure, the way an industrious raccoon finds goodies in a pile of garbage. How? By intentionally choosing and savoring the elements that fill us with peace, healing, and resilience.

A spoonful of sugar

There are so many platitudes. Every ending is a new beginning. All good things must come to an end. When a door closes, a window opens. Just keep swimming.

Despite what Julie Andrews promised, a ‘spoonful of sugar’ like this doesn’t help the medicine go down. Not when we’re truly suffering. Instead, these saccharin statements add insult to injury and we may feel the urge to punch the person who offers such well-meaning yet untimely advice.

Top that with phrases like “don’t cry over spilt milk,” shaming us into denying and suppressing our feelings.

Forgiving and forgetting is a desirable goal. But as C.S. Lewis wrote, “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.” 

In truth, we can’t force emotional healing any more than we can force a bone to mend. Healing happens on its own timeline but wounds also need appropriate processing to become whole again.

The perpetual cliff-hanger

Another platitude we often hear is “resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Most of us don’t exactly enjoy sipping poison. But when something pokes a raw, open wound, we’ll chug it like cold beer on a hot day.

Our brains crave resolution in order to move on. Otherwise, we feel like we’re stuck in a perpetual cliff-hanger. We keep going over the situation in our heads or with others hoping to feel better, but we never seem to get there.

As another saying goes, there are three sides to a story: The one we tell, the one the other tells, and the one that really happened. So, even if we try to resolve a painful incident by talking about it with someone who caused us pain, the stories rarely line up.

That’s why this path rarely delivers the resolution we seek and sometimes we set ourselves up to be victimized further.

The one story worth telling

From a metaphysical perspective, the ONLY story is OUR story. Because what we choose to think and believe (and hold on to from the past) creates our present experience.

“When you change the meaning and narrative of your past, you simultaneously change the narrative of your present and future,” writes Benjamin Hardy in Psychology Today.

In other words, we change the narrative of our past, present, and future by choosing which parts of a story we hold on to — the trash or the treasure.

Don’t we see others do this all the time? From family    to politics to resumes, people ‘shape’ the facts. Why not use this strategy for self-healing?

This isn’t about telling lies or convincing others of ‘our’ side of the story. It’s about using our personal powers of intention and attention to move past our pain and give ourselves the grace we deserve.

Doing this actually changes our brains. Through the magic of neuroplasticity, the networks in our brain grow, strengthen, or weaken in response to input or stimuli. That includes not only our environment and experiences, but our thoughts and beliefs, too.

Taking out the trash

The goal of ‘upcycling’ or trash to treasure is to transform something unwanted and useless into something desirable and purposeful. It’s an idea that has sparked dozens if not hundreds of TV shows, magazines, and social media channels.

The process of writing a power story is kind of like emotional upcycling:

• First, get down to the bare bones. Choose a painful story and write the details of it from the perspective of when it was happening. This is key because as time goes by, we layer on judgement, excuses, rationale, and an adult lens. This can cloud our healing process.
• Second, reframe it. This is the time to put on that reflective lens. What did we learn? How did we move forward? What are we proud of? What do we know now that we didn’t know then? How have we evolved? In other words, be the raccoon spotting the goodies.
• Finally, the reveal. Compile step two into a brief power story. Think movie trailer or TED Talk. This is how you’ll tell this story going forward, from a place of power rather than pain. It may be for your eyes only and that’s more than enough. Again, what we think and believe creates our reality.

To help guide the process of creating your power story, I’ve shared some writing prompts below the blog.

Resisting the process

There’s power in the power story, but we often resist our own path to recovery with questions like:

• Isn’t this all just pretending nothing happened or that it doesn’t matter anymore? Not at all. Many of us never took the time to acknowledge what happened or to fully feel our pain. This is especially true if we grew up in households with caregivers who were distracted, unavailable, or disengaged — whether their fault or not.
• Aren’t we just creating false advertising about ourselves? Maybe so, but most of the stories we believe about ourselves are false anyway. Most were told to us by family, society, religion, and other sources we trusted.
• Isn’t this a little self-indulgent? If we judge ourselves for taking time to heal, we may be hoarding beliefs of unworthiness. Time to clear that clutter.
• Isn’t this a lot of work? Well, a quick flip never results in a resilient result, so we often regret cutting corners. And again, we’re worth the time and attention it takes for us to heal.

Of course, we can certainly adapt to living with broken or useless stuff invading our personal space. Our bodies do their best to adapt as well. But like a leak that goes untended, eventually the pipes burst, the ceiling caves, or the foundation crumbles.

Although expensive, we can fix these types of issues. Our bodies are a bit more complex.

Tips and tools to explore

I always recommend writing by hand for healing vs. typing on a keyboard or simply thinking about it. The physical connection stimulates the interconnectivity of our brain’s neural networks, revealing a richer, more personal and reflective process.

But tools can be our friends, so here are some that can help us turn emotional trash into treasure:

• Prime the pump with a somatic meditation. It can be challenging to truly feel our emotions, especially when they’ve been buried so deeply. Experts like Besser Van Der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, have shown us how trauma is stored in the body as pain and dis-ease. What that also means is that healing is a sensory (not a mental) experience. Yes, we have to feel it to heal it. I found these guided somatic healing meditations from Hello Inner Light in my podcast app. They seemed a little odd at first, but it’s helped me dig deeper than talk therapy.
• Writing a letter: If we aren’t ready to move to step two in the process, we may need more time to cleanse the wound. Writing a letter that we don’t intend to send is a very powerful way to express pent-up emotions. Then burn or tear up the letter. I’ve done this many times myself.
• Get a boost from AI: I believe the divine intelligence (DI) within us is our ultimate source of truth. But we can always gain insight from other sources, including artificial intelligence (AI). I asked ChatGPT to help me write a power story for emotional healing. Then I entered the details of a painful story. The ‘reveal’ was truly amazing. I printed it out so I can refer to it when life makes me question my own power.

Turn emotional trash into treasure

Many of us dump our trash on others. Maybe not on purpose, but we say or do things we regret; stew in resentment and anger; or put up walls and cut off connection. While it’s important to speak our truth, feel our feelings, and create clear boundaries, it’s even more important to do so from a place of peace, clarity and self-respect.

This not an easy space to cultivate in today’s world. Which is why it’s critical to carve out a space for our own reflection and healing.

Most of us were not encouraged to process, let alone acknowledge, our painful experiences and emotions. Using a tool like the power story, we can take our healing into our own hands. And when a DIY approach is a little more than we can manage, be an advocate for self-care and reach out for help. In fact, AI can help with that, too.

Either way, it’s up to us to dig through our trash and find the treasures. Then our hearts can feel as soft and full as a raccoon’s belly.

 

 

Curious about working with a life coach? Check out my website. 

Ready to turn trash into treasure with a power story? Here are some writing prompts to guide you:

• How does it feel to reflect on this situation now? Have I allowed myself to feel these feelings?
• What did I do that was brave or authentic to me? How did I adapt at the time?
• When I look back on it ow, what have I learned or realized about myself?
• Who am I now as a result of this experience? In what ways have I grown, obtained perspective, or become more resilient?
• Have I been able to help or guide others because of having this experience?

Once we’ve journaled on these questions, write a brief power story script, like that elevator speech. Place it where you can revisit it, like in a gratitude journal or on a bulletin board. You can also turn this to write positive affirmations post it notes as reinforcement.